Catholic Dog    Muldoon  lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.  One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,  'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying a mass for the poor creature?'    Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'    Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'    Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?   ------------------------------------------------------------  Donation        Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'    'It is!'    'This is the Taxation Department. Can you help us?'    'I'll try!'                       'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'          'I do!'    'Is he a member of your congregation?'    'He is!'    'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'    'He will!'   ------------------------------------------------------------  Senility        An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'       'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down'         ------------------------------------------------------------  Marriage Humour    Wife:   'What are you doing?'    Husband:   Nothing.    Wife:   'Nothing . . . ?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'    Husband:   'I was looking for the expiration date.'   ------------------------------------------------------------    Wife   :  'Do you want dinner?'    Husband:   'Sure! What are my choices?'    Wife:   'Yes or no.'    ------------------------------------------------------------  Stress  Reliever            Girl:   'When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden.'    Boy:   'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'    Girl:   'Well. that's because we aren't married yet.'    ------------------------------------------------------------   A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'    'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   ------------------------------------------------------------    A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'